You can only roll with the punches for so long: my fight

Love. Belonging. Worthiness.

Have you ever looked in the mirror and wondered, "Am I okay?" “If I died today, would anyone even care?”

For years, I chased those answers—searching for love and validation in all the wrong places. I believed that if I could land the perfect job, make a shit load of money, and have hot women want me, I'd finally be okay.

I was chasing a sense of fulfillment that always seemed just out of reach. I remember coming home from work—drunk, stumbling into my tiny studio apartment, passing out—only to wake up and dive into my habitual wake-and-bake quick bowl of weed to kick off the next day.

On the outside, it looked like I had it all together. I was in pretty good shape, had a close-knit group of friends, and had my own car and apartment. I was working at a fancy hotel in Beverly Hills, earning a solid paycheck, enjoying a 401k, and even taking some sweet vacations.

But inside, I was hurting badly—a gnawing emptiness and a desperate plea for mercy.

Working at the Four Seasons Beverly Hills hotel, making good money, I thought I had life all figured out.

Kept my apartment clean when people would come over, eventually it’d get right back to this.

Pivotal Moments That Changed Everything

2013: Fatal Blow

After a wild night of partying, and still eager to keep the night going, I made a stupid decision.

I kept on driving.

While on the highway around 3am in the pitch black, I hit the guard rail—sparks flying off the side of the truck.

And eventually, there was nothing touching the truck on the side or underneath, as I was literally launched into the air—flying off the highway.

I remember my life flashing before my eyes as I hurtled down, my hands clinging desperately to the wheel, praying I wouldn’t flip over. In that split second, images of my beautiful young niece, my family, and every moment I still yearned to live crashed over me.

Eventually, I made it to the bottom of the 200ft hill—unconscious but unscratched, alive.

I made a stupid mistake that night—one that nearly cost me my life. But somehow, I was granted grace.

Fuck, I DID want to live—I wasn’t ready to let life slip away.

2016: Hitting The Canvas

By 2016, I hit rock bottom—emotionally, mentally, and spiritually (I identified as an atheist btw).

I knew I needed help and had to get some support. So, I attended my first self-development course—it was a weekend with an organization called Mastery in Transformational Training.

They had us do exercises like pairing up with someone, locking eyes, putting on emotional music, and speaking our truth as if we were talking to our moms.

I probably cried more than anyone else that weekend; twenty-plus years of suppressing my tears and “sucking it up” finally caught up with me. I entered that weekend full of anger toward my father, but by Sunday night, I called him and said, “I love you.” That weekend helped me realize my dad did the best he could with what he had.

It was a turning point. I discovered the power of opening up, embracing vulnerability, and letting others help.

What a relief—it was liberating to know I didn’t have to do it all alone.

From there, I continued seeking support from those who had walked this path before me. Whether it was through plant medicine in the Colombian Amazon, coaching, therapy, retreats, men’s groups, or countless workshops, I invested over 30K in myself. And it has been well worth it. With each step, I began to understand how decades of suppressed emotions and unaddressed traumas were running my life. Little by little, I started tapping into a deeper sense of joy, love, and authenticity, cultivating a more optimistic approach to life.

What started as a 3 day self-development training, turned into a 6 month training with M.I.T.T. Forever grateful for this group.

2021: A Rite of Passage

In 2021, I embarked on a solitary journey: four days and four nights in the desert—no food, no technology, no journal, no tent no distractions. Rites of passage have long been an integral part of cultures—a pivotal moment when a boy becomes a man.

It was that initiation when the immature boy inside me had to die. My addictions, my inner victim, the liar, the procrastinator, the insecure little boy, and that incessant “me, me, me”—all of which had left me adrift and lacking clear direction—had to die to make room for something greater.

That intense life-changing experience stripped away my old layers, revealing a newfound clarity and a stronger sense of purpose. In the vast silence of the desert, every minute became a lesson in rebirth, and under the relentless sun, the old self crumbled—making way for a new man ready to embrace life on his own terms.

4 Days 4 Nights fasting out in Death Valley. A new man was born October 2021.

Lessons in Love

The most unexpected teacher in my transformation has been my wife. Through her unwavering support, I've learned to break free from immature habits and the grip of shame. She sees me—not as my past or my patterns—but as a whole person with a big heart and even greater potential. Her love anchors me to the highest, best version of myself, reminding me every day to love, to laugh, to be present, and to enjoy the fuck out of this life we get to create together.

Now, as we approach spring in 2025, I stand more confidently in my authentic self. I no longer hide behind the facades of what I thought I needed to be. I’m comfortable in my own skin, I don’t take things as personally anymore, and I truly love my life and stoked for the direction it’s headed.

I embrace my leadership, letting my passion fuel my endeavors and infuse my work with my unique purpose—mentoring clients, planting seeds of love and wellness, and striving to be the best family man I can be.

I’m sober, at peace with myself, and living a conscious life with the woman of my dreams, our twin 15-year-old boys,(step father) and our beautiful new baby girl!

I can look in the mirror and say, “Damn, I’m proud of you. I love you, Alejandro.”

My Simplified Advice for Transformation

Seek Guidance and Mentorship:
Find mentors who have truly walked the path before you—people whose lives you respect and admire. They should practice what they preach and, most importantly, always point you back to your own inner wisdom and potential.
Confront Your Trauma:
We all carry wounds, and over 90% of what governs our lives is controlled by our subconscious. Face your trauma head-on so that your shadow doesn't rule your future. “Trauma ain’t your fault but healing’s your responsibility”
Nurture Your Body, Mind, and Spirit:
A healthy body supports a healthy mind—cultivate a healthy vessel for your spirit. Remember: “You are not a human with a soul, you are a soul having a human experience.” This mindset will help you live fully and stay connected to your deeper essence. Let that part of you lead the way.

Join Me on the Journey

If you're ready to embark on your own transformation, I'd be honored to be in your corner. Book a discovery call to see if we're a good fit to work together—or simply to chat about how we can make Redding an even better place for all.

Peace,

Alejandro

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